


slowly and all at once

by aliaaaaaa



Series: wrong turns and bumpy roads [1]
Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Denial of Feelings, Internalized Homophobia, Janovec and Christenson Are Baes And Good Bros, M/M, Mutual Pining, Webster Being Dumb As Usual Despite Being A Harvard Man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:35:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9702185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliaaaaaa/pseuds/aliaaaaaa
Summary: “What does it feel like when you fall in love with someone?”If his sister had asked him this now; if she was here in the middle of blood and gore, he would look into her eyes and confess to her that he felt numb. That when he realized he had fallen in love with someone, all he could feel at that very moment was something akin to being doused with cold water on a snowy morning.





	

**Author's Note:**

> yes hello, long time no write a proper story so I'm quite nervous for this one because it's been months. this was supposed to be a Valentine's Day fiction but as usual my brain doesn't want to co-operate so you're stuck reading this crap.

   


_“What does it feel like when you fall in love with someone?”_

Webster’s little sister had asked him this one night before the war had happened. He was busy tucking her in and smoothing down the blanket over her tiny body.

“Do you think it’s like tasting candy for the first time?” She prompted when he stayed quiet.

“How so?”

“Because it’s sweet, silly! Falling in love should be like eating candies! It should be sweet!”

Webster had smiled at her then, quietly telling her that he didn’t know what falling in love felt like because he hadn’t found someone yet for him to feel that way.

But now.

Now he knew that falling in love was far from eating candies. He knew that when you fell in love with someone, you’re not guaranteed the sweetness.

_“What does it feel like when you fall in love with someone?”_

If his sister had asked him this now; if she was here in the middle of blood and gore, he would look into her eyes and confess to her that he felt numb.

That when he realized he had fallen in love with someone, all he could feel at that very moment was something akin to being doused with cold water on a snowy morning.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

He was supposed to fall for a soft girl from a good family. He was supposed to court her like a gentleman; buy her all the expensive things just for her to let him to kiss her cheek demurely.

But instead, he had fallen in love with another man. One that was brash and careless with his words. One that was easy to anger. One that was quick to punch. One that would never ever love him back because Joseph Liebgott _hated_ him.

Maybe hate wasn’t the right word.

He knew that Liebgott wasn’t capable of hating anyone that wasn’t a Nazi. Maybe it wasn’t hate that Liebgott felt for him, but it was something close. Something that made the man sneer at him whenever Webster opened his mouth. Something that made the man glare at him whenever Webster looked his way.

So Webster slunk quietly, kept his head down and pined in silence because it was better this way. There was no use getting his hopes up for Liebgott to feel the same way. There was never going to be any chance for Webster to tell Liebgott about what he had felt.

They were in a war afterall.

The one place that he hadn’t even dreamed of falling in love with someone.

_But you did._

The traitorous voice had whispered at the back of his mind.

_You fell in love with Liebgott when his hands were soaked with blood and you thought he  looked beautiful with grime and dirt covering his face._

Webster closed his eyes and inhaled raggedly; trying to shut down the quiet whisper in his head.

_Show him how you feel. Tell him._

Webster would never.

   


* * *

  


“Are you avoiding me?”

A familiar voice jolted Webster from his musing. He lifted his face to see Liebgott standing by the door; leaning casually like he had been there for awhile, looking like an angel with the weak sunlight creating a halo around Liebgott’s head. But Webster knew better. Joseph Liebgott wasn’t an angel. He was a temptation; the fruit that would lead Webster straight into hell.

Webster closed his journal with a definite snap, annoyed with himself for letting the tight yearning fill his chest when he looked at the other man.

“What do you want, Joe?” Webster asked tiredly, turning back to his closed book to avoid Liebgott’s too sharp gaze, afraid the other man could see the secret he had been carrying around.

“So you are avoiding me,” Liebgott accused, voice low and dangerous as he edged closer to where Webster was sitting comfortably against a stackful of hays.

“I’m not avoiding you.”

Lies.

He had been avoiding Liebgott. Planning his day carefully so he wouldn’t have to bump into the other man any more than necessary. He had nearly begged Lipton to not assign him on patrols with Liebgott, asking the first lieutenant to pair him with Christenson or Janovec instead. He even stopped eating with the men, preferring to take his meals alone even when the others had coaxed him to join in. After awhile they let him be, shrugging their shoulders when one of them asked why Webster didn’t eat with them anymore.

It was lonely to go this great length just to avoid a person. But it was a necessary measure for him to squash down the feeling from growing more. And he had done so well, so very well that he didn’t think about Liebgott even when he was at his most vulnerable.

But today, right in this very moment, his treacherous heart had soared up when his eyes fell on the man; all his hard work had gone to ashes.

“What? You think you’re too good to hang out with us just because we don’t go to a fancy school?”

Webster closed his eyes and raised a hand to gently massage his forehead. He could feel a beginning of a headache began to form at the back of his eyelids. “I’ve never implied that I’m too good to spend time with you guys.”

“Then what? Christenson and Janovec are more interesting than m– _us_?” Liebgott demanded, arms crossing over his chest as his lips tightened with a sour expression.

Webster opened his eyes to look at the man standing in front of him, feeling exasperated that he had to go through this conversation when all he wanted was to get  far away from Liebgott.

“Why do you care anyway, Joe? You never like it when I’m there,” Webster pointed out with a sigh, lips twisted into a slight pout when Liebgott narrowed his eyes at him.

Liebgott opened his mouth to say something to Webster only for him to be interrupted by a loud knock just outside of the barn.

“Webster? You in there?”

Janovec.

“Yeah! John! I’m here!” Webster replied crookedly, already getting up and gathering his journal and rifle when Janovec barged in through door, smiling toothily.

“Sorry to interrupt your date with Liebgott but we have checkpoint duty now, Professor,” Janovec teased easily, grinning a bit too cheerily when Webster glared at him. He could feel the tips of his ears growing warm when Liebgott still looked at him, only this time his usual warm brown eyes turned a shade darker; eyes flashed with something he couldn’t recognize.

With a muted nod, and a fleeting glance to the man, Webster exited the barn. Finally breathing easy.

   


* * *

  


Liebgott kept hounding him.

After their unexpected meeting in the barn before Janovec had unknowingly saved Webster from what could be a possible disaster, Liebgott kept looking for him.

_“Have you seen, Web?”_ was his favorite phrase to use on anyone, asking about his whereabouts and generally being a nuisance when they couldn’t provide him with anything.

Webster for his part kept hiding. Moving from one spot to another, always making sure that he was seated between Christenson and Janovec when they had to move to a new territory. Liebgott could only look at him from the back of the truck where he was sitting with Luz and Malarkey.

Janovec had asked him one night when they were billeted in a farmhouse, if Liebgott had done something to Webster that warrant this kind of avoidance.

“John,” Christenson chided gently, climbing into his bunk with a quiet grunt. “Leave the Professor alone.”

“I was just curious! Liebgott has been chasing Webster’s tail and this man keeps running away from him like Liebgott about to rain hellfire on him! I’ve never see you volunteer for anything! But the moment Liebgott got too close, you immediately leaps out to volunteer to do any work available just so you could get away from him! Ha!”

Webster fidgeted when Janovec and Christenson looked at him, trying to gauge some logical answer for his strange behavior. He could feel his face warming up from their curious stares.

“I wasn’t running from him!” Webster yelled with sudden frustration, throwing his hands up to emphasize the fact that his friends were ridiculous to even suggest that he was afraid of facing Liebgott. “I mean… why would I want to spend time with someone who hates me?”

Christenson looked at Webster and then his eyes flitted towards Janovec who was staring at Webster with raised brows.

“Dave,” Christenson started, voice unreasonably soft like he was about to say something that could upset the man. “I don’t think Liebgott hates you. I don’t think someone who hates you would try to find you every day up to the point that everyone so readily gives him an answer that they don’t know where you are before he opens his mouth.”

“Yeah! If he hates you then he won’t be glaring at me and Pat whenever he sees you with us!” Janovec chimed in happily, fastidiously ignoring Webster’s murderous glare thrown at him.

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Christenson.

“It’s true. It’s perfectly normal.”

Janovec.

“What are you two yapping about now?” Webster narrowed his eyes, mouth twisting in annoyance when Janovec shrugged his shoulder nonchalantly.

“ _You_ are a pretty, Web. It’s normal for Liebgott to want your attention only for himself,” Janovec explained quietly, eyes casting down before they darted to look at Webster with a teasing gleam.

Webster couldn’t believe  what he was hearing. It was impossible to believe it  with his heart was jumping madly in his chest; how elated he felt when Janovec said his piece. He opened his mouth to deny it. There was no chance for Liebgott to want _that_ kind of attention from him. There was no way that his feeling would be reciprocated. They were both men! It was taboo! It was wrong!

Except, he didn’t have any words to express his frustration towards the ridiculousness his friends had spouted because deep down, that wicked hope had stayed alive; wrapping its whispery tendrils around his heart in a tight grip.

He did the only thing he could do in this kind of situation. He turned around and ran away.

   


* * *

  


Webster rocked back and forth on his heels, long fingers holding a burning cigarette without a care as he sagged against the brick wall and stared ahead without seeing anything.

It took him three unfinished cigarettes to calm his nerves down after he left the shared room in a hurry. It was a stupid reaction on his part, one that would definitely raise a suspicion were it not for Janovec and Christenson. He didn’t worry about them because he knew they wouldn’t talk.

He was more worried about his burgeoning feeling towards Liebgott. How no matter what he did, he could never escape from this soft feeling.

He absent-mindedly flicked the ash to the dirty ground and exhaled loudly.

If he was being honest with himself, if he was forced to speak his mind; he wanted Liebgott. Plain and simple. He wanted Liebgott to want him back just as much but he knew nothing could ever happen between them. He knew Liebgott would never.

“Web?”

Webster dropped his head in defeat when he heard the familiar voice floating to him from his right. He turned his head and saw Liebgott striding towards him with his hand reaching out.

“Don’t,” Liebgott whispered desperately when Webster made an aborted move to escape but he was too slow because Liebgott had pulled his jacket sleeve tightly in his fingers. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to talk to you about.”

Liebgott rolled his eyes, and a hint of smirk could be seen on his face. “Good then you listen while I talk.”

Webster rolled his eyes but he stayed put; glancing around the dimly lit area to distract himself from actually looking at Liebgott.

“You’re avoiding me,” Liebgott started, voice sounding both annoyed and astonished and he waved Webster’s attempt to deny that away in favor to continue talking. “And I’ve been running around like a fool just to get your attention.”

Webster blinked slowly, fingers fidgeting and he wished that he had a cigarette now. Or  chewing gum. Anything really to distract himself from lunging forward to pull Liebgott closer and kiss him senseless like what his mind wanted him to do. But he stayed quiet, waiting for Liebgott to say more, and made the mistake of glancing up to look at Liebgott’s face only for him to be caught because Liebgott was already staring at him with such intensity that he had only found when he was concentrating on killing German soldiers.

Liebgott huffed out a breathy laugh; running his hand over his head, messing up the perfectly coiffed hair.

“Fuck,” he swore gently, eyes locked on Webster’s face even when the other man refused to look at him. “It was bad enough that I’ve fallen for your stupid ass– then you have to avoid me like I’m some kind of plague– and you ignore me and God! I should punch your pretty face for making me pine for you; you fucking ass–”

There was a quiet whoosh of hot air tumbled out from Liebgott’s chest when Webster pulled Liebgott closer to press their mouths together. His firm grip on Liebgott’s jacket was probably choking the smaller man but Webster didn’t care because Liebgott was kissing him back with the same intense ferocity that could burn his very core. Every press of Liebgott’s sinfully red mouth against his own, every stroke of Liebgott’s wicked tongue on his made him melt against the brick wall; sending waves of drowsy calmness through his veins. It was even harder for him to focus when there was a soft whimper and a quiet groan mingled together in one breathy moment.

Webster was sure he was the one who moaned and he could feel Liebgott’s smile briefly before he fluttered his hands over Webster’s arms and shoulders; clinging on for dear life.

Webster couldn’t remember why he even resisted this pull from the beginning.

“Fuck,” Liebgott whimpered when they pulled apart; lips shining with spit and his eyes had turned black with what Webster knew now as lust. He leaned in once again to kiss Webster’s mouth, as if to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming.

“I didn’t know,” Webster panted, fingers tracing Liebgott’s sharp jawline before he tilted the face up. “I thought you hated me.”

Liebgott shook his head, resting his forehead against Webster’s. “I never– fuck Web– I never hated you. Not once. Annoyed, yes. But never that. I would never chase after someone I hate.”

Webster knew that now. He knew that he had wasted time by being too much of a coward to spill his secret but in his defense, they were in a war where soft feelings weren’t supposed to grow - but look at them now.

Locked tight in an embrace, not wanting to let go.

Webster leaned in to kiss Liebgott again; gently this time. A series of soft presses before Liebgott cradled the back of his head gently to kiss him properly. He didn’t register it the first time around but he could taste sweetness on his mouth; like someone had poured sugar on Liebgott’s mouth.

“Did you eat chocolate?” He asked, nuzzling Liebgott’s cheek with his nose and letting the other man’s fingers tangle in his thick hair.

“Yeah… then Babe stole my last Hershey’s bar so now I have none left.”

Webster laughed quietly, pressing another kiss on Liebgott’s pouty mouth to appease him. “I’ll give mine to you later.”

“You’re sweet, Web,” Liebgott murmured drowsily, pulling Webster closer in a warm hug.

“You’re the sweetest,”  Webster thought but didn’t say outloud for Liebgott to hear. That was for later. That was for when they had calmed down enough to talk about their feelings in more sobering manners.

For now, he didn’t want to think of anything else but to taste the heavy sweetness on his tongue again.

**Author's Note:**

> if you have reached this point without wanting to scream at me about how awful this is then congratulations! thank you for reading and comments and kudos are very much appreciated!


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